We all use “Yes, but”. I do it every time I am on shaky inner ground. It is a defense against a new idea that scares me or that I can’t feel comfortable with. It is a warning to the person I am with that the time is not right for me. And most of all, it is a sign to myself that I have some barrier – a buttress – to attend to.
“Yes, but,” is a judgmental mechanism. It indicates to myself that I have immediately judged, that I am not allowing a flow of new options and information to enrich me. “Yes, but” is an immediate response and I am learning not to say it until I have weighed up the pros and cons in inner meditation.
Our buttresses can block out so much. Once, a visiting therapist from England gave me a piece of paper on which were ancient symbols. She explained that they were powerful and left it at that. I immediately said “Yes, but they look like Black Magic things to me.” She shrugged. (She probably knew about “Yes, but,”) I filed them away with loads of other stuff and have never thought of them again.
I have only recently discovered that these same symbols are connected with a healing discipline that I very much admire and are nothing to do with Black Magic. If only I hadn’t said “Yes, but,” I might have learned a lot! Of course the time was not right. My buttress about occult things and Black Magic was so high I could not see over the top.
Every time we say “Yes, but” we limit ourselves immediately and our buttress grows stronger. Buttresses are not free-standing. They are firmly planted on the old. They simply prop up old stuff and do not allow for the growth of the new, lighter, buoyant non-judgmental thinking processes that we need for the future.
If we transform our support system to the free-standing flying buttresses like those that soar to the sky on the tops of medieval buildings, we will be allowing light and love, space and air to flow about us. And then we will simply be able to loosen our tenuous hold on the old and lift off into the new.